one meal a day is just enough for me now .
dont really have appetite..

i just hope, she will read what i made..
it took me 6days to finish it...
i wont complain about anything,
but it was really a hard job.
im glad i finishing it (:

work, very bad. no mood to work.
the reason why i found a job was for her..
i promised her good good food.
and i wanted to spend every single cent on her.. D:

tomorrow halloween.
there was something de, but she wont go with me le..
she likes ghost ghost stuff. :X

over work.. got women's roadshow.
then got song come out,
''nobody nobody but you ! '' then my heart hor,
very .... now i at home, my sister down here
''nobody nobody but you ! '' also...

reminds me of how bad i was. i was a scumbag.

my elephant memory reminds me..
6.30 1st thunder.
7.15 heavy rain + thunder ( lighting was in
front of my shop i could see it totally !! )
7.25 heavy rain + thunder !
first thing on my mind: is she caught in the rain?
is she home already?
i didnt dare to text her...

just hope one day.. just one day...

N - level results out soon,
will she be there to support me? D:

"Rejected, stand up again", a phrase given to me that I'll never forget. So I'll remain standing even when the earth and heavens falls.

The Word Game
No<1> matter<2>how<3> my<4>
heart<5>breaks,<6> ____<7> Yeap<8>
____<9> still<10> love<11> ____<12>
____<13>____<14> ____<15> only, <16>
forever!!<17>

( finishing soon ! )

there used to be one person, the only one,
the 'special' one who would come over to my blog..
now no one will come .. so it's okay for me to say things here.

even she gave up hope in me..
then i must be really h0p3l3s5.
what's the point of carrying on with life?
it's as though as i'm being forced to live...
she was with me, everywhere i went..
no matter what i did, what wrong i did..
she will always forgive me..
now that even she has given up on me,
i really dont know... what to do...
it was me who let her down.
i'm just really lost...

i had no mood to serve any customers today.
i kept making mistakes while talking to them. -.-

over at work today...
Boss : how is your sales so far?
my reply : none . ( cause my mood is so bad ..
i was depressed all the way. )
Boss : do something !
my reply : zzzzzzzzz ( i am really lost .. i dont
know what to do. thoughts keep coming to my
mind. )

i kept looking out of the shop,
cause i thought i might just see you...

''rejected, stand up again!'' she once told me.

now even she has given up hope on me....

only i myself know what i myself am thinking now.



but i still hope to complete this.

The Word Game
No<1> matter<2>how<3> my<4>
heart<5>breaks,<6> ____<7> ____ <8>
____<9> still<10> love<11> ____<12>
____<13>____<14> ____<15> only, <16>
forever!!<17>

no lunch for me today.
woke up today, had to rush my assignment
for someone special..
have to be at work by 1pm !!

"Rejected, stand up again", a phrase given to me that I'll never forget. So I'll remain standing even when the earth and heavens falls.

The Word Game
No<1> matter<2>how<3> my<4>
____<5>breaks,<6> ____<7> ____ <8>
____<9> still<10> love<11> ____<12>
____<13>____<14> ____<15> only, <16>
forever!!<17>

I hear the ticking of the clock, I'm lying here the room's pitch dark .
I wonder where you are tonight, no answer on the telephone.


The Word Game
____<1> matter<2>how<3> my<4>
____<5>breaks,<6> ____<7> ____ <8>
____<9> still<10> love<11> ____<12>
____<13>____<14> ____<15> only, <16>
forever!!<17>

Cheryl, i've let you down.

The Word Game
____<1> matter<2> ____<3> my<4>
____<5>breaks,<6> ____<7> ____ <8>
____<9> still<10> love<11> ____<12>
____<13>____<14> ____<15> only, <16>
forever!!<17>

does she still care for me ?

what i am left behind, is even more painful...

it's raining now.. very heavily..
thunder... lightning..
i really hope she does not get caught in the rain.

i want to bring her umbrellas, but i know
she does not want to see me...

no matter what she says...
jywc still loves cnlj...

i have only myself to blame as it turned out
to be such an ending.

once a hope , now a goner.

The Word Game
____<1> matter<2> ____<3> ____<4>
____<5>breaks,<6> ____<7> ____ <8>
____<9> still<10> loves<11> ____<12>
____<13>____<14> ____<15> only, <16>
forever!!<17>

i've lost someone whom i can never replace...

work was bad enough today, very hard to focus
for long hours.. no sales today... though i made
5 iphone sales.. but no commission ..

saw many couples along toa payoh so sweet...
and i come back to think about myself.

why wasnt i that understanding.
i said i loved her, i would give her the best i could,
why didnt i do so.
why did i wait for her to go before i start to realise
how much i loved her...

everytime we quarreled, it would always be her
to give in to me... no matter what...

now, the tables have turned on me....
i've let her down.
i've let everyone down..
no matter how much i say, cannot prove my innocence.
i must have been condemned badly....

the more i let her down, the more i should wait,
no matter how harsh it is on me, i should not complain.

i am aware of what is happening around me...
but i'm just keeping quiet...
i can't even say anything now...

she cherished me ... it was me who did not ...

i'm really sorry.


The Word Game
____<1> matter<2> ____<3> ____<4>
____<5>breaks,<6> ____<7> ____ <8>
____<9> still<10> ____<11> ____<12>
____<13>____<14> ____<15> only, <16>
forever!!<17>

hope for the best, and prepare for the worst.
whether i need the op will be revealed soon.
praying hard enough to the Lord, hope he has
his mercy on me..
give me enough strength to carry me through.

i still have many unfulfilled promises,
the promises made.... this will make me even
have more determination to fight the op.

i see that i must change everything in me.
especially my bad temper which has been
bothering me for quite long time...

it's been long since i was last happy. D:

The Word Game
____<1> matter<2> ____<3> ____<4>
____<5>breaks,<6> ____<7> ____ <8>
____<9> ____<10> ____<11> ____<12>
____<13>____<14> ____<15> only, <16>
forever!!<17>

it pains me.

nothing can help change my mood.
my mood is always bad now..
used to say playing fifa will help..
but nothing can help now..

to all my fifa friends:
i'm quitting, never coming back.

always getting scolded.
am i that useless?

i dont want anything now..
i cant hope for more now...

i will have the chance to wipe off your tears when you
are down...
smile at you when you are sad...
laugh with you when you are happy.

i can only say i love you so,
even though my odds are low.

no matter what, i will still love you wholeheartedly forever.
because my love for you has no expiry date.


The Word Game
____<1> matter<2> ____<3> ____<4>
____<5>____,<6> ____<7> ____ <8>
____<9> ____<10> ____<11> ____<12>
____<13>____<14> ____<15> only, <16>
forever!!<17>

work was tiring !!!!


there is supposed to be more to say,
there are more reasons, why i should not let you go!
every message that comes in, i keep thinking it will be you!!
when it's not, i have the unbearable kind of feeling..


The Word Game
____<1> ____<2> ____<3> ____<4>
____<5>____,<6> ____<7> ____ <8>
____<9> ____<10> ____<11> ____<12>
____<13>____<14> ____<15> only, <16>
forever!!<17>

i should not have left you at the table the other day,
and went to talk to the other girls..
i didnt have a chance to say sorry.
it will not help, but sorry.
please do not avoid me )':
i want to text you, but i'm afraid you will angry/sad..

i blame myself. from a host of chances to zero.
and i became from hero to zero, to becoming
a villain.

starting work today, at orchard ion !!!
i know where i will be deployed when i start
working officially, but i cannot say...
it was meant to be a happy news..
now , i dont think i should say...

maybe she wants me to learn the virtue
of patience. (:
if only i had taken this approach right from
the start...


The Word Game
____<1> ____<2> ____<3> ____<4>
____<5>____,<6> ____<7> ____ <8>
____<9> ____<10> ____<11> ____<12>
____<13>____<14> ____<15> only, <16>
____<17>

The Love Texts
03/03/2008 11:24:21pm
Cheryl lingling says: '' i will not do anything for you, i will
do everything for you'' ;D
ILOVEYOU!MUACKS! {333
you'll never know how much i love you (:

04/03/2008 09:43:52am
english: i love you
polish : ja kocham cibie
french : je t'aime
hindi : hum tunhe pya karte hae
czech : miluji te
slovakian : lu 'bim ta
italian : ti amo
ukrainian : ya yebe kahayu
german : ish libe dish
chinese : ww0aiinnii ( so special for me )
greek : s'gapo
hawaian : aloha wau ia oi
lithuianian : tav myliu
korean : sarang hae
japanese : aishiteru
romanian : te ubsec
bosnian : volim te
albanian : te dua
filipino : mahal kita
spanish : te amo
portugese : amo te
arabian : annah be hdbic

i got this because it means i am truly loved.

20/03/2008 10:09:38pm
You are the reason i go on. Eternity can't seperate this special bond.
This heart of mine is reserved for you. Forever it is yours, the love is true.
I'll be your first and you'll be my last. My world my everything till my time
has past. I will always love you till the end of time. My love my sweetheart
my darling. <3 cheryl ng li jia ba0xbEiix la0po. Muacks darling.
My promise to you : love you forever , together forever, closer to you.
Muacks darling <3

i should have cherished it more !!

how long more can my body last? i asked myself.
how many more blows can i take? i asked myself.
why am i always on the shorter end of the stick,
always losing out to someone else? i asked myself.
just what wrong did i do to deserve all these? i asked myself.

yes, i do feel inferior to him now, and really threatened,
because whatever i say about him, you are always shielding him.
i did suggest to you that i would be fine with gradually cutting down
on You Know What , but you rejected. that made me feel even more
You Know What.

it's not that i do not trust you, i really feel threatened now.

one can take setbacks. but perhaps, perhaps not that many on
the trot. i have failed 9 times and counting, over the past 9 days.
part and parcel of life? sure it is, but to this extent?

each new day, i tried something new. ways to try to win you back.
i thought you were hinting me on things. perhaps, i expected too much.
i remember the first time i tried, i failed. the pain wasnt so much...

failed failed failed. on the 8th time, failed. this, for the 1st time, i cried.
a big boy like me crying over you. i didnt cry that much in the past before.
not even when miss ma said i would fail my maths and i would end up
in ITE if it carried on. no.

i called you immediately, and tried to change to situation.
i even penned down what i must do to really change.
being in my situation, like i mentioned earlier on, one wouldnt say
they would not be threatened. rather, i must say that that is the kind
of feeling each and every one of us will have. this reason could be due
to jealousy, and not because of the lack of trust between two.

that was when you gave me a glimpse of hope. you said you would
consider again. and you would tell me the answer today.
my hopes were short-lived. i could predict your answer right from
the start, the sloppy replies, but i persevered, i told myself that i must
not let you slip away from me. and i did just that. i didn't think i did
anything wrong today. i thought that it was the best i have ever ever
of my 16years of youth. you can say that i was too naive, thinking
that 2222hrs will have the magic. or maybe, i was rather confident
that you would come back to me. So, i text you, '' Honestly, do
i still stand a chance?'' . your answer was a straight ''No.''
initially, i thought you were just joking with me, i thought you wanted
to say, '' No, you do not stand a chance, you have many chances.''.
Yes, do not laugh at me, because i really thought of that, although
i didnt want to think of the real outcome.
my worst fears came true, when the same message came to me.
''No.'' at this time, my mind went pin-blank. the pieces of my heart
shattered the way it has never been shattered before. i didnt know
what to do. i had the thoughts of ______ .

i really have to thank minfeng for cheering me up. thanks alot.
and yes. the first time i cried so badly, that i was sobbing like
i dont know what when i called minfeng. yes. you heard me saying.
Joshua crying. how many times do you see me crying. the aggressive
me crying. yes, and i did say that....
thank you minfeng, so much.

i know i have done my best over the past 9 days. my chin is up, my
head is held up high. perhaps i should have known the pain would
have accumulated had i been rejected over and over again...
however, i refused to let it go, and tried, tried, tried. stupid me, stupid.

did i really lose out to him? did i only achieve the shorter end of the stick?
this remains highly debatable.

you said you are tired. you are unable to trust me. when i asked you, you
said you do not trust me too.
is our relationship really that feeble? that feeble like how defences are sliced?
i'm sure being together for so long, the trust will not be so little.

i really don't know what to do now. gain sympathy? no.

or i should say, what i am left with. the memories...

started out being just ''daughter'', then ''brother-sister'' and
it evolved to what we were today. yes.
first kiss at the library.
held hands for the first time over the zebra crossing.
visited lan shop together after exams.
bought you first ring just 4days with you, your birthday.
first hug.
first everything.
106 hearts.
first stitch toy.
first photo taken which is in my wallet.
first time i sent you home.
first time i treated you.
first time i fed you vice versa.
first time at the theatres.
first time i wrote a letter to you ( first time i actually i drew
on it, which was 4 pages long )
second soft toy - angel .
photos of you holding angel. i have them.
there are definitely many more...
Baby J most recently...

not to forget, the ups i have mentioned. the downs..
first quarrel - over lack of time together.
first time wanted to break - my fault.
the first time i walked out on you ( although i did come back for you ) .
first time i used the F word on you.
first time i scolded you.
first time i doubted you.

What we overcame together

first time quarrel and wanted to break- we got back together.
second time- over the lack of time spent together.
cross country - i thank mei yan for helping me.
few occasions before 2 years,
and just on 2years.
the time we were caught ( this really made me love you even more ) .

we have come so far, gone through so many things together.
i do not deny the fact that i have always loved you. unless it is really
that feeble, i doubt this would have been the outcome...

silly me. to lick my own wounds now, i only have myself, and only
myself to blame.

but, i still love you. maybe, maybe that is just the power of love.
love is a strong word, something powerful, that can change a person's
life or have an impact on one.

perhaps, i may just be an irritant to you now. perhaps, perhaps one fine
day, you will realise how much, just how much i really loved you,
and how much i really tried and tried, the pain i felt being rejected
over and over again... but that may just be too late for me.

sure, i do think someone like you deserves someone better, although
i always thought that only i, and only me should have you. yes. only you.

i would like to embrace you again in my arms, hold you like i never did
before. shower all my love for you, even more than before.

they say, without break-ups, the bond will not strengthen.
somehow, i feel otherwise, because you have never been that serious
in your speeches, the sloppiness.

like you said, if it comes back, it is yours. if it dosent, it never was.
i do get the feeling of deja vu.

it's time. time to hate myself like i never hated anyone before.

doom or boom tonight.

left for the dead and to lick my own wound.

All the things we went through together I'm gonna miss.
You left me without even a goodbye kiss.

That was the start of my downfall.
I would not even wan to kick a ball.

Languishing lowly without a place.
Having lost a girl that i cannot replace.

How am i going to revive the happy days?
Not before i return to happy ways.

Now it's gonna end in tears.

dosent come back - never was mine ?

well.

no more energy to keep on trying.

you never seem wanting to talk to me
no matter how hard i try.

i tried to sleep at 2pm. and i barely slept for 1hour.
well, there is a limit to how much blows a person can take.
sooner or later, at this rate, i should be sent to IMH.

wednesday-tried.
thursday-tried.
friday-tried.
saturday-tried.
sunday-tried.

100% record of being rejected.

i am getting very easily pissed now,
and am sure will scream over the smallest things.

i have a choice to make. do or die, i wont ask why.
given a choice, i would rather choose to die, than to
feel all the pain going through me.

why are you making sport of me ?
you were not like this before.

i seriously dont even know what happened.

lol, fail. my knuckles are so painful that i find
it hard to type, let alone play games. nvm.

bye , tyvm.

fuck the online tournament of laggers, delay, spikes.
i fuck them all.

preliminary round only i out already.
fuck. blame the draw, because i only got sweden.
all run so fucking slow.

group stage. bloody hell.
make me so damn pissed.
vs this dont know which ctry group stage match day 1
losing 1-3 ( two of the goals were because i was trying
to clear the ball in the box, but due to delay he got it
and he scored , fuck . ) , came back 3-3
and lost to a 90min goal. i turn wrong side,
then delay cannot chase back . stupid right.

2nd game. kana lan also. lost 3-5.
not delay not lag. spike. play then hang 1sec then hang 1sec.
it's sickening. side dribble and one of the goal was i trying to clear
then delay cannot clear.
fuck.

its unusual that i get knocked out even before i reach
the group stages. i fuck this online tournament stuff.
my chance to win $200 just flew like this.

left one more match- dont even need to play.
i think i will just give my opponent 10 goals since he is
my friend.

i remember my promises. do you ?

happy deepavali to all.
today is a long day for me.
visiting kasthuri's house,
then heading to kallang the cage for 4hours.
180$ omg. lol.....

by the time i come back , sleep.

if a person can be at two places at one time, i'll be with you.
tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.

021007, i got to know someone who has touched my life ever since.
so many things have happened and i can say that we have bonded well in a way or another.

You were literally feeling so low, and i went through it all with you and brought u out of that misery..
Life moved on slowly and things started to get better slowly..

That's when trouble hit me. There was this day at Dhoby Ghaut, on my birthday, despite me losing
at the tournament, you touched me so much..
Slowly since that day, feelings changed and developed.

Confessions were made, things were made known.
Up in the mountains, beneath the moon and stars.
I had meant everything i said that's for sure..

i already know the answer.

It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person. Well, actually they don’t make you a better person. You do that yourself, because they inspire you. It’s the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, they will always be there for you, and like you for everything you are.

''nothing (: msg you later,studying'' and
'' no i'm not,lol.'' were the last two
phrases i heard from you.

long long day today for me.
my rise and shine was at 7am today.
packed my things, and met ken lim
in front of may flower sec school bus stop
and we headed to kallang the cage to play football.
bad thing was we had to wait 45mins for clarence
at kallang mrt.

over at the cage, me , being first time there, had
to get used to the short length of the pitch and
the skills there.
i did score a few goals today, all with my right foot.
most of them were long range.
the highlight of today was, goalkeeper clarence threw
a ball straight and me, was just in front of goal,
controlled it, and slotted it past the goal keeper.
/heh
i can play in the cage too.

headed to kallang leisure park for lunch.
chicken rice man. okayokay only. wanted yoguru,
but my friends didnt like them.

well. visited grandma. and wow, the dinner she
prepared was awesome.

left for home.
reached ang mo kio and guess who i saw?
i saw qimei . lolol.. i was thinking of something
when i heard a voice, 'joshua!' .
oh i turned around and saw her.
chatted a few lines.... and off we went.

home now. dead beat.
because of the stupid renovation of my house,
i have to be outside the house for whole day
for 2 weeks. and come back must help to
keep clean the house. this sucks.
im still thinking where to camp tomorrow morning.

lolyou whats your prob.

Group A - Loti (Bayer Leverkusen)
Angelittle (werder bremen)
Uchitoru (turkey)
Chikchik (Man United)

Group B - Cescnorman (Portugal)
Jankampeng (Chelsea)
Tenken (Croatia)
Mastagee (Netherlands)

Group C - Saddyx (Valencia)
Reversed (Republic Czech)
Kenzo (Juventus)
SteveCoppel (England)

Group D - Joybaby (Inter)
Gempark (Vilareal)
Lilioplata (Russia)
Swoops (Barca)

Group E - Skyinho (Tottenham Spurs)
Strike (Fenerbache)
Crossfire (Lyons)
Gomugomuno (schalke 04)

Group F - zzsleepzz (AC MIlan)
zaki (sweden)
linus (porto)
haahaahaa (olympique marseille)

Group G - Draco (Italy)
Theonez (Real Madrid)
Ahwah (Roma)
Value (Liverpool)

Group H - Ryanleo (FCGB)
Nasilem (Everton)
Boluck (Sevilla)
JamieYeo (Brazil)

Group I - Ning (Mexico)
Avrillavigne (Man City)
KLcker (Argentina)
Laguna (Germany)

Group J - Racerfx (Bayern Munich)
Jeffchew (Arsenal)
Xephyre (Aston Villa)
Didierdeschampss (Benfica)

and what ? i got sweeden.
top 2 qualify from each group and
the last 8 from previous cup will join us
to make it another group of 32 .

last 16 format home and away.
away goals count. how to win with sweeden!!

1st place - 200
2nd - 100
3rd - 60 .
I WANT TO WIN

werder bremen vs real madrid

fifa online 2 tournament last 16 1st leg.

i was using werder and i got crushed 1-7.

fuck. bremen players all super slow.

i struck the post left right
and headed just over 3 times from set pieces.

and the robben higuain huntelaar all run so fast
from there defence of my opponent one through ball
i die alr.
happened so many times. fk la fk la.
2nd leg also no moood alr.

world math day's never-say-die attitude.
i can do it !
COME ON !!!!!!

though it's gonna hurt us both,
there's no other way,
but to say goodbye.

that was what i said.

is it too late? perhaps.

i lol'ed at the way my young night was ruined yesterday.
no thanks to ________ ( whatever . )

no normal girl will send text messages to girls for long.
no normal boy will send text messages to boys for long.

based on this statement, i can already have a rough gauge
of how long it has been going on.

i told you countless times that i don't like.
of all the people you message, why must it be him?

ironically, i remember myself telling you over and over again.
and it seems we quarrel over the same reasons.

sorry if my words hurt any fragile souls over here.
it's how i feel and i have to articulate myself, if not express.

when it's time to let go, it's time.
i don't wish to say the same thing over and over again.

tell me you are just friends.
but does he think the same way as you? please.

you told me you hoped nothing will go wrong.
what went wrong then? ( i believe you know)

anyway, you take your time and decide yourself.
i have made up my mind already, but i want to hear your views.

http://cristianoronaldox.blogspot.com
aizaisniper@hotmail.com
Joshua Yeap Wei Chia aka zAki
6th June 1993' -6pm
amkps cbss
Fifa Online 2 fanatic
iahgames.com
ign: ZhuN or zAki

CherylNgLiJia's.
die-hard Man.United fan

Honey is my love, my life, my everything.
Love darling, higher than the skies above,
deeper than the oceans,
and wider than the universe!
02102007, 2222hrs was that magical night,
and the night will never end.
It's a PROMISE !

Whoever insults darling,
will die horribly.
In the name of joshua!
AND my name work wonders.
I can assure to that. ") try me.
triple dare.



1.Love darling more and more
2.Old handphone to function!!! all the messages she sent me are in there!!
3.Wants to show concern, but don't want to hurt her
4.Wants to show that i care, but am afraid of wrong approach.
5.Hopes she will not even rule out the possibility to reconcile in the future.
6.Wants to watch movie with her
7.Wants to embrace her in my arms ever again
8.Wants to show love, care and concern to her.
9.Wants to do everything that i can to win her heart back.
10.Hopes that the op is not needed!!!!
11.Hopes that she will gain back confidence in r/s
12.Hopes that she still has an affection for me
13.Hopes that somehow, someday, she will come back to me.




no hates at the moment. love thy neighbour, love thy enemy, says the bible.



when i update my blog, i will put a word randomly daily.. whoever guesses it first, shall win something from me. eg: Joshua < 4 > has < 9 > for a start, it shall be 17 words first.

Our Love Will Live Forever! !

2nd October 2007 ♥
CherylNg {3 JoshuaYeap

If rain drops were kisses,
I will send you showers.
If hugs were seas,
I will send you oceans.
And if love is a person,
I will send you me! :D

Written on 020909
HAPPIEEE 23rd months anniversary my dear! :D
All i need is YOU.
I lurve euuuuuuuu Joshuayeap hubby!(: <3!

Love,
Joshua yeap's,
Cheryl Ng

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